Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
