Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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