If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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