It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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