I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
