at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
