The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
