could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
