Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
