I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
