there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
