its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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