The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
