I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
