Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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