I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
