there's paper in my vomit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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