I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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