Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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