I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
