I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
