whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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