So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
