Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
