Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize