just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
