Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
