btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
