for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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