That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
