I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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