The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
