I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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