Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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