: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
