i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
