It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
