Cold hands, warm shart.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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