i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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