This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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