woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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