are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
