Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
