we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
