Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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