some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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