At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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