I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
