I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
