so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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