so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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