I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
