A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
