i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
