Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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