why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
