My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They have beer where we have blood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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