I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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