Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
