speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
