Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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